Good morning!

Recent research shows that over a third of parents trying to implement “gentle parenting” strategies are experiencing uncertainty and burnout.

My heart goes out to parents who end up feeling overwhelmed when they are simply trying to treat their children and themselves with compassion.

What is going wrong?

The researchers in this recent study argue that life is just harder after the pandemic, and while that’s true, I think it’s also possible that parents in the study were exhausted by a huge amount great advice combined with high expectations.

Maybe parenting can feel more natural and a lot simpler than well-meaning parenting experts make it out to be.

Would you rather play offense or defense?

It can help a lot to determine in advance what strategies would fit best with your parenting style. There are proactive strategies (your “offense”) and reactive strategies (your “defense”) in parenting.

Here are just a few examples that many parents find helpful:

Proactive approaches:

• Schedule fun time weekly with your child (aka Special Time).

• Describe in detail to your child the behavior you would like to see them start (and when).

• Consistently enforce “Grandma’s Rule” (complete their chores before they play).

Reactive approaches:

• Give one calm warning to your child to stop their negative behavior. If they keep it up, then calmly give them a consequence.

• Develop a secret code word or phrase with your child that you can say to them when you need them to calm down or stop being rude.

• If your child is having a meltdown, count to 30 (in your mind) as slowly as you can tolerate or set the timer on your phone (in secret) for 1 or 2 minutes before you jump in to intervene.

Consider what proactive and reactive strategies you are already using. What works well for you? What doesn’t? Can you think of one new strategy you would like to try?

Parents with a creative mindset aspire to be consistent in their parenting, but they also are not afraid to try something new or stop an old strategy that’s making things worse.

So, be proactive. And be reactive. Above all, give yourself permission to be flexible.

And remember that nobody’s perfect, and your child doesn’t need a perfect parent in order to thrive. Give yourself credit for the positive and effective things you do.

Warmest regards,

Len

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