Good morning!

A friend who reads this newsletter recently asked me to write about being an empty nester, which is something that nearly every parent experiences at some point.

Having your kids grow up and leave home to create and experience their own adventures is a milestone most of us wish for. But as much as we hope for our kids to leave our “nest” and try their wings, there can be a significant feeling of loss associated with this transition.

It’s important to acknowledge the grief we feel when this happens and to let ourselves feel whatever we need to. Waves of grief can hit us unexpectedly. Then, we need to take a breath, focus on having a positive relationship with our “fledgling” child (avoid guilt-tripping them for leaving home), and consider what we want next in life.

Is it time to get a pet?

I know many people who get a pet when their kids leave. It makes sense, as pets can alleviate our loneliness, but that is not where I would encourage you to start. Instead, consider the following steps:

Self-reflection: What do you want the second half of your life to look like? The reality is that when your kids leave the nest, you are around the halfway point of life. Think about what you truly want. Read Arthur Brooks’ book, From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life. Reading this book made me realize that I can have a much better life than running ever faster on the same treadmill.

Explore: What brings you joy, and what gives you energy? Do those things! A lot of us are good at delayed gratification because we are overly responsible people who make sacrifices for our loved ones. It might be time to remove the “delayed” aspect more frequently and get to actual gratification!

Self-care: Take care of yourself! Take steps to improve your health and well-being.

Relationships: Be intentional about leaning into your relationships. Start hanging out with your friends again. If you are in a long-term romantic relationship, odds are that your focus has been mostly on your kids rather than on your marriage or romantic partnership. Things change when kids leave home, so nurture your relationship with your spouse or partner. Schedule and honor a weekly “date night” ASAP.

When our kids leave home, it’s a huge life transition for us! Life doesn’t necessarily have to be better or worse, but it will be different. What can you do today to help you prepare for or deal with this common parenting experience?

Warmest regards,

Len

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