Good morning!

How do you usually deal with your kids when they’re being rude? It can be hard to figure out what works best for your child.

I have asked a lot of parents how they manage the rude behavior of their kids, and their most common answers are:

• “I tell them to ‘knock it off.’”

•  “I flat out tell my kids that they are being rude, and it has to stop.”

•  “I ignore it most of the time.”

If your strategy works and you’re happy with it, that’s fantastic. However, many parents find the challenge of dealing with a rude child to be emotionally exhausting. And constantly telling our kids to “stop being rude” is often ineffective and sets a negative tone for our interactions with them.

Distraction can sometimes be a very good thing

Imagine your child being rude, and instead of directly confronting their rudeness, you abruptly change the subject. You could just start talking about things your child is usually interested in (and the more unrelated it is to the current topic, the better). For example, you could say:

• “Are you sure that cats are better pets than dogs? What makes you so sure?”

• “I’m not sure that Minecraft is the best game of all time. What do you like the most about it?”

• “We should probably figure out what we want to do together as a family this weekend. I was thinking we could go to the farmer’s market. Remind me again. What was that place you liked?”

The benefit of this approach is that as soon as kids are distracted, they often let go of their previous negativity. Also, if your kids are being rude because they are hungry, tired, or sick, it can buy you some time to deal with the underlying issue (get them food, get them to bed, or get them a cold remedy).

And if your child says, “Stop interrupting me!” or “Why do you keep changing the subject?” it’s your opportunity to tell them that you didn’t like what they did or said and that you were trying to help them move on to something new.

For example, you could tell your child, “It was a problem for me when you ____________ [what they did or said]. I need that to stop. I’d rather you just stop the behavior without my yelling at you or giving you a consequence.”

While distracting kids from their rude behavior does not always work, it’s a helpful strategy to have available, and it can keep your interaction more positive and leave you with some emotional energy.

Warmest regards,

Len

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